The Official World Cup Song (Sucks)

Somebody needs to explain to me why the official World Cup song "Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)," which you hear constantly, is sung by Shakira. There are three problems with this. First, Shakira sucks. Secondly, why did FIFA pick a Colombian to sing about Africa? Third, Shakira hasn't been popular for ten years. This, combined with the fact that R. Kelly also performed at the opening ceremony, indicates that Sepp Blatter hasn't listened to the radio since 1999, which was coincidentally the last time he was able to see his feet.